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  “You have to go into town and see Doc White. No more messin’ around. You have responsibilities, Rick Hughes.” Della’s nagging didn’t upset Rick but brought a smile to his face.

  “Easy knowing you aren’t worried about me, Della, if the first thing you do is start nagging me.”

  Jo caught the look of terror in her ma’s eyes but Della played her part well. “Day I start worrying over a strong man like you is the day you put me in the grave. Now, are you going to get up yourself or do I have to help you?”

  Della took a step toward the bed making Rick comply with her demand. “I can do it myself but not in front of an audience. Why don’t you go get some coffee? I am sure you have other things to talk about?”

  “Like what? My granddaughter eloping or my grandson going missing looking for kidnapped white women? I can’t think of anything to say on either topic.” Della made for the door. “This family will be the talking point of Portland. Again.” Della closed the door leaving Jo alone with her husband. Jo suspected her ma was trying to put the focus somewhere other than on Rick.

  “Poor Della, she is so upset over the children. If I got my hands on Sarah now…” Rick said but they both knew he wouldn’t do anything worse than hug her close. They were both devastated as they feared Edwin Morgan would not live up to Sarah’s expectations. Still, there was nothing they could do about Sarah now. They had other priorities.

  “Rick, forget about the children for now. You need to concentrate on your health. You gave me a real scare this morning.” Jo clasped her hands in front of her waist, they kept shaking otherwise. “Will you please go and see Doc White? You know he wants to do some tests.”

  “I know darling but what about the school? The governors are only dying to get rid of me. They want to push their own plans into place. A white only school for those well off enough to attend. That isn’t what we wanted.” Rick was devastated by the authorities plans for schooling. His dream of providing an education to every child was receding faster than a field of crops under a locust attack. He could see Jo no longer cared about anything else but her immediate family. Although disappointed, he could understand she could only worry about so much.

  “I don’t care about the school Rick. I know I should but I just want you to get better. Our girls need you, our family needs you. Most of all I need you.” Jo’s restraint broke as the tears ran down her face. He pulled himself up out of the bed and took her in his arms, nestling her head into his shoulder.

  “Darling, don’t cry. I will go see Doc White. Today with Scott. I promise.” Rick’s guilt overwhelmed him. Jo was a strong woman but he was her husband. His role was to protect her not cause her more problems. She was right. Their family came first before anything else even his dreams for the school.

  Jo hiccupped as she tried to stop the tears but they kept coming. “Wear your good suit. And your new shirt,” she eventually managed to say. “I will go see to Ma and the rest,” she muttered softly as she turned and fled the room.

  Rick sat back on the bed, what little strength he had, had disappeared. If truth is known, the incident this morning had scared him too. He’d had funny turns before, far more regularly than he had let on to Jo but that was the worst one. He hoped Doc White would know what was wrong, and more importantly had a remedy for it. But inside he knew it wasn’t good. Paco had hinted at terrible times ahead and given Sarah was gone, Almanzo hadn’t returned yet and now this, maybe the Indian had seen something. He sat listening to the noise of his family in the house. He had been so lucky meeting Jo. She had helped him rescue his nieces and Almanzo, given him two beautiful daughters, assisted him with building their home but most of all she’d given him unconditional love. All he wanted was to grow old with her in their home surrounded by family. Was that dream too much to ask for?

  A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He pulled on a pair of pants quickly before asking his visitor to come in.

  “You not dressed yet? Della is threatening to come in and help…” Scott said lingering in the doorway.

  Rick smiled at his brother in law. Scott had proved to be a real friend as well as a brother in every sense of the word. They may not always agree on everything but they did on the important stuff. He knew he didn’t have to ask but it didn’t stop him.

  “Scott, you and David will take care of Jo and the children won’t you?”

  “Don’t be stupid Rick. You will be here to do that,” Scott said.

  Despite Scott’s false bravado, he didn’t meet Rick’s gaze.

  “We both know that isn’t true. I have to pretend to Jo but please let me be honest with someone.”

  Scott let out a ragged breath. “How long have you known? Is that why you wouldn’t see Doc White?”

  Rick stared Scott in the eyes. “I don’t know anything. Not for certain but I don’t need a doctor to tell me my heart is giving out. I don’t know why but I have a feeling. It just won't go away.”

  “A feeling? Now you sound like one of the women,” Scott’s attempt at a joke fell flat. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Paco’s concerned about you.”

  “Yes, we had a long talk. You know he believes a man knows when his time has come.”

  Scott knew all too well. Too many times, the man he considered a real brother rather than his brother in law, had been correct about health related issues. Paco, like many Indians, believed your spirit knew when the time was coming to move into the spirit world. He didn’t think confirming that knowledge would prove helpful to anyone.

  “Jeez Rick, you can’t think like that. What would Jo do if she knew you felt this way?”

  “My wife knows. Deep down but she just won’t admit it. She is a fighter like all the Thompson women.”

  As if she heard her name, Della Thompson shouted she was coming in if he didn’t make an appearance in a couple of seconds. Scott helped him up from the bed.

  “Come on, let's ride into town and see what Doc White has to say. Could be you just have a bad case of indigestion,” Scott said as he helped Rick into his jacket.

  “Don’t let Bridget hear you saying stuff like that or she will hide hot peppers in your next dish.”

  Scott pulled Rick into a hug for the briefest of seconds. “The answer is yes. You just concentrate on getting better.”

  Then he was gone before Rick could say anything back. He took his hat from the back of the door, his eyes lingering for a couple of seconds on the photo of Jo and himself taken for their wedding day. If he had known then how little time they would have together would he have made different choices? Would he live long enough to see Almanzo come home safely? Maybe Sarah too?

  Chapter 12

  The Chief suggested the two white women continue to sleep with the Indian girls. Almanzo could see the Indian was trying to protect their reputation. The older man knew a little of the white culture, he guessed from speaking with the white women who choose to live with the tribe.

  “Fire Daughter, Fiona, the Chief wants you to continue sleeping with the Indian maidens. It is safer for you,” Almanzo explained.

  “Call me by my real name. Please. I hate the one you use.”

  Almanzo stared at her for a few seconds until she realized he didn’t know her name. He thought her flushed cheeks made her even more beautiful. Although she wasn’t classically pretty, her eyes were slightly too far apart and she had a strong roman nose, she was beautiful in his eyes.

  “My name is Matilda but my friends call me Tilly.”

  “Nice to meet you, Tilly, although we could have chosen better circumstances.” He teased her just as he would Sarah and Carrie. Her cheeks flushed even more but the look she gave him suggested she enjoyed it. “Please go to bed. We can talk more in the morning.”

  “But what about your mother? Aren’t you going to speak to her?” Tilly asked.

  Almanzo replied, trying to hide his impatience. “I am not allowed. The Chief believes I need to calm down.”

  “She was very kind
to us. She cooked us a delicious meal. I had never had pronghorn before. She had new shoes made for us as we both left our own at the river bed. She told us we had no need to be afraid, that her brothers and sisters wouldn’t hurt us,” Tilly said earnestly. She looked at him as if willing him to believe good things about his mother. “I thought she was rather fair skinned to be an Indian but I never thought she was white.”

  “I don’t think she sees herself as white anymore,” Almanzo said despite knowing he sounded like a spoilt child. He couldn’t help reacting badly.

  “I…I don’t know what to say only please listen to her. She seems like a very good person,” Tilly said quietly.

  Almanzo couldn’t reply. What sort of mother left her child alone to die? Fiona looked at him, her face full of understanding. What would she know about his predicament? Just as that thought crossed his mind, he gave himself a shake. These women had enough problems to deal with. He forced himself to be gracious and his voice actually sounded a little cheerful.

  “Goodnight Tilly. Look after yourself as well as Fiona.”

  He left the ladies and walked slowly back to where his friends had set up camp. Running Bear was looking at him, a gloating expression on his face. Almanzo refused to acknowledge him.

  Walking Tall glared at him. “You must sleep now. Before you take a turn at guard duty. Harvey and his friends may still attack. We need you to be vigilant.” Walking Tall was obviously still furious with the way Almanzo had spoken to the Chief. He ordered him around like he would any other brave.

  “I can't close my eyes. What if you found out the mother who abandoned you to die, was alive and well and living with a white man,” Almanzo spat at his friend.

  “I would be glad she was still living. We would have much to talk about,” Walking Tall replied honestly.

  Almanzo glared at Walking Tall.

  “I know you are hurt, angry, feeling betrayed but none of those feelings will help you. Do you not think your mother feels the same?” Walking Tall asked.

  “She left me behind.” To his horror, his voice shook with emotion. He had to screw his eyes shut to stop tears falling. Darn it anyway, he wasn’t a ten-year-old boy anymore.

  “Perhaps she had no choice. You have not heard her side of things. All you know is what you remember as a ten-year-old boy. You are different now. Much changed. Perhaps she is too. Give her chance to explain. Then you can make mind up,” Walking Tall said softly before turning over to go to sleep.

  Almanzo stared at his friend’s back. It was easy for Walking Tall to preach forgiveness, his ma hadn’t abandoned him. No, his friend’s ma had died in a massacre and Walking Tall would give anything for the chance to speak to her again. One last time.

  Almanzo punched the earth under his bedroll in frustration. He didn’t want to hear the voice of reason in his head. He wanted to stay mad. Being angry meant he didn’t dwell on the memories he had of when he had been much younger. His ma had stepped in front of his pa’s fist more than once protecting him. She’d made him cakes and bought him candy on the rare occasion they had gone into town. She had protected him, loved him even. But then why did she leave him to die?

  After a sleepless night, Almanzo finally fell asleep as dawn was breaking. Walking Tall never called him for his turn at guard duty, he guessed his friend knew he would be too distracted to be of any use. He didn’t get to rest for long as he was soon woken up by the sounds of the camp around him waking up. The children were playing, the women talking as they worked. He sat listening to the noise, not understanding most of what was said but he was still struck by how happy everyone seemed. There was no underlying atmosphere of fear or tension. He wondered if their Chief had made a conscious decision not to tell his people of the danger or whether the Chief wasn’t taking the threat seriously.

  He stretched and went in search of Walking Tall. His stomach rumbled but he wasn’t hungry. It was nerves. Today he would get the answer to a question that had plagued him for years. Did he want to know? Or was what he imagined preferable?

  That decision was taken out of his hands. As soon as he left the lodge, he saw her waiting for him. His ma. She was sitting very still, her eyes closed. He wasn’t sure if she was praying. He couldn’t remember her ever praying when he was little. Pa had frowned on going to church saying it was a load of busy bodies poking their noses in everyone else’s business. The first couple of times he had gone with Rick, Jo, and the girls, he had felt the same but now he enjoyed it. He found listening to Reverend Polk peaceful. It helped the Reverend was a young man with a new wife. He had left his home back East somewhere to bring the Word of God to the inhabitants of Portland and surrounding area. Some of the older folk thought he was a bit young and lacking in wisdom gained with years. Grandpa Thompson didn’t agree. He said there were men older than Reverend Polk who had half the knowledge the reverend did. Anyway, what was he doing thinking about the Reverend now when his ma was sitting just yards away?

  Chapter 13

  Almanzo walked toward his ma but when she didn’t acknowledge his approach, he sat down on the ground and waited for her to finish. He took the time to study her. She looked older, well obviously, she would, given the length of time since he had last seen her. But what struck him most, was she looked well fed and well cared for. There wasn’t a bruise or mark on any of the skin showing. Given she was dressed as an Indian woman, he could see her arms and legs clearly. One leg had been badly broken and hadn’t healed correctly but it was a very old wound. He waited, trying not to lose patience.

  “You have learned to wait,” she said her voice trembling slightly.

  He guessed she was nervous. “I learned to do a lot of things.” Although he tried not to be angry, his reply sounded snappy. She blinked hard making him regret his harsh words.

  “Sorry, Ma. I just… Well, I never guessed I would see you again. How are you? Are you happy?” Almanzo asked realizing it was important to him how she felt.

  She gazed up at him for a few minutes before she moved closer to him. Taking one of his hands, she held it up to her face. “I can’t believe you are my son. All grown up. You have become a handsome strong boy. I heard how you spoke to the girls last night. You are kind hearted too. Not at all like…”

  “My pa. I hope not. I hate him and I hate…” Almanzo stopped himself just in time but she caught his meaning.

  “Me. I understand your feelings. I hated myself too. For a very long time. Brown Owl, he was my husband, convinced me it was time to leave the hate behind.”

  “He told you to forget about me too?” Almanzo felt the tears prick at his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He was not going to cry in front of this woman.

  “Never.” She denied fiercely. “I never forgot you but I thought you were dead.” She stared at him, the truth written all over her face but he still couldn’t let himself believe her. He picked at some yellowing grass struggling to grow in the sandy earth beside him.

  “You mean you wished I was,” he steeled himself as she flinched at his words. “How could you leave your only child behind to die? With strangers?”

  “I didn’t have any choice,” she protested weakly.

  “You left with Pa, I don’t remember you begging him to let you stay with me,” he said, his cruel tone making her flinch. He hated being cruel but he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to hurt her as badly as he had been hurt as a ten-year-old child.

  “He told me he would kill you himself if I tried to stay with you. I hoped you would have a chance. You might be found. By someone who would help.” She spoke quickly as if afraid he would stop listening.

  Her short answers fell silent as he looked at her in disbelief. “Who did you think would help me? The sick people who were all dead or dying around me? If you had stayed maybe some of them could have survived too.”

  “If I stayed you would have died that day. I had no choice. Mr. Price would have killed you.”

  “You mean my pa.”

  “No, I
mean Mr. Price. He was never your pa. Your real pa died when I was pregnant. I had to marry Price. I had no choice. My parents kicked me out for getting pregnant. Price offered me a way out.” She clasped and unclasped her hands, her gaze not leaving his face. She was telling him the truth. All these years, he had believed that monster had been his pa when he was no relation at all.

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?” Almanzo asked, trying his best to keep his voice calm and free from emotion.

  “Tell you? You were ten years old. Anyway, it was better if you kept calling him Pa. He liked that.”

  “But he never liked me. Kept telling me I was a disappointment. Every time he beat me,” he said, trying hard to stop his voice from shaking.

  “I know son and I swear if I had thought he would treat you like that, I would have never married him. But I was so young and so scared. I thought they would take you away from me and I couldn’t lose you. I was prepared to do whatever I could to keep us together,” she stared at him, her eyes pleading for understanding and forgiveness.

  But he wasn’t ready to forgive and forget. “You failed miserably on that front.” His harsh words seemed to burn into her soul. She bowed her head but he didn’t feel better. Hurting her, hurt him even more.

  “Why did he hate me so much?” he whispered.

  “I never had another baby. He used to blame me but seeing you showed the fault was not mine. Or at least there was proof I could have children whereas he…” she stopped for a second as if remembering the past hurt. “It meant he wanted to have you as his son, so other people would see him with a son. But he hated you for not being his. He was a twisted man, with anger running right through to his soul.”

  “How did you get away from him?” Almanzo asked.

  “After he left you behind, I ran twice. I was trying to get back to you but both times he caught me and punished me. The second time, he beat me so bad, I think he thought he had killed me. He got the wagon and left me behind. I lay there wishing I was dead. My life was over anyway. I had lost you.”