Heart of Disaster: A Titanic Novel of love and loss Read online

  Delia tried to believe him, but every instinct told her something was very wrong. She couldn’t get the look on the first steward’s face out of her mind. He hadn’t known she was looking at him and he had looked terrified.

  “Have you seen Cathy and Kate?” she asked.

  He shook his head, his gaze centered on their exit. She looked around her but couldn’t see their friends. More people were coming into the lounge, some of them appeared to be carrying everything they owned. There was a small group of people praying in one corner of the lounge but in the other, there was a group drinking and dancing as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

  Then the people started muttering as another steward came forward. It was John Hart, the friendly man who had escorted them onto the ship, was it only a few days ago?

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, settle down, please. The captain has ordered women and children only to go upstairs. I will lead a group of you up to the boat deck before coming back for the next group. Please, ladies, come forward.”

  A surge of people moved forward, both men and women. The steward told the men to stay back, shouting at them when they didn’t listen. Some other stewards arrived to help Hart.

  Delia hung back but Conor pushed her forward.

  “You have to go darling. I will find a way to get to you.”

  “I am not leaving without you, Conor,” Delia held onto her husband’s arm tightly. She couldn’t bear the thought of going anywhere without him.

  “Delia, don’t be stubborn. Go with Hart and I will follow behind. Go on now. Set an example to the other ladies. Please. For me?”

  She hesitated.

  “Delia, please,” he begged. “I can swim, you can’t.”

  “Swim?” she repeated as all her fears threatened to overwhelm her.

  “Darling we don’t know what is going to happen but we have to be prepared. Now be a love and do as you are told. Please.”

  She couldn’t deny him anything. Giving him a hug and a kiss, she stepped forward. Some of the other women followed her lead and together they followed the steward. She glanced behind her when they got to the top of the stairs but Conor waved her forward. He was smiling but she could tell he was worried. She wanted to go back to him but the surge of the crowd pushed her forward. When she looked back again, she couldn’t see him.

  Chapter 29

  K ate didn’t know what woke her. It wasn’t a noise as much as a sensation. She sat up and listened. The engines weren’t humming.

  She glanced around the cabin. Cathy was sound asleep as were the others. She turned over in bed, listening to the none too gentle snores of her cabin mates. Then she heard knocking on the door and a commotion outside. She jumped down from the bed and opened the door to find people streaming along the corridor.

  “Get dressed and up on deck. They are loading the lifeboats.”

  She didn’t wait to see who had shouted. She couldn’t believe her ears. She turned back inside to wake Cathy, but her friend wouldn’t get out of bed. She woke the other women, but they too told her to go back to sleep. She couldn’t, though. She got some water and threw it in Cathy’s face. That woke her. Cathy screamed her disapproval.

  “Get up and dress. The people are going on deck. They said the lifeboats are leaving,” Kate said as she pulled her friend out of bed.

  “What?” Cathy stood up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She looked at Kate as if she thought she had lost her mind.

  “Cathy don’t ask questions just get dressed. Come on. Hurry and put your lifejacket on.” As Cathy hesitated, her voice grew firmer. “Cathy for once in your life, do as you are told.” Kate put her rosary beads and bag of clay into her coat pocket.

  Cathy finally gave in and dressed, complaining the lifejacket was uncomfortable

  Holding hands, they made their way outside, leaving the other ladies behind. Kate gripped Cathy’s arm as the crowds deepened. She was terrified she would lose her in the mass of people. Then she spotted Seamus and Daniel.

  Daniel pulled Kate toward him, giving her a reassuring peck on the cheek. “Thank God, we found ye. Come on, we got to get up top to the lifeboats. ”

  He headed back the way the girls had come, not releasing his grip on Kate.

  “You can’t get out that way, they won’t let anyone through. They said we had to wait,” a man said.

  “Wait for what?” Daniel asked but the man had moved on. Daniel took Kate’s other hand and pulled her along behind him. She clutched Cathy’s arm. Daniel glanced down at them.

  “I’m not waiting for anyone. We got to get out of here. There’s water on the floor near my cabin. Don’t let go of my hand, you hear me?” Daniel ordered.

  Kate nodded, she didn’t look at her feet, she kept her eyes on Daniel shoulders following him through the mass of people. She didn’t let Cathy’s hand go either. Terrified, she tried to pray as she walked but she couldn’t remember the words. How many times had she said the Our Father yet tonight it was if she had never said it once?

  Chapter 30

  K ate and her friends didn’t get very far. There were too many people blocking their way. One Irishman ahead of them shouted “do or die” as he pushed forward against a locked gate separating Second and Third class. The steward guarding the gate, looked terrified. As the crowd continue to surge forward, the steward ran off. The sheer volume of people moving, some screaming, and some crying was terrifying.

  Kate’s stomach clenched. “Daniel, I can’t. There’s too many people.”

  Daniel stood beside her, his gaze taking in everything that was happening.

  “Kate, we have to find a way to the lifeboats.”

  “But they won’t let us out of here. You heard the stewards. They said they would tell us when it was time,” Kate hated how her voice shook with fear.

  Daniel grasped her hand tighter. “It’s time. I’m not waiting any longer and neither are you. Come on. Cathy and Seamus, you as well. Mr. Burke are you with us?”

  “Yes lad, lead on and we will follow. Come on, dear, I will take Sean and you take the girls.”

  Mrs. Burke nodded and the group set off following Daniel who had taken control. They headed away from the locked gate. Everywhere she looked she saw faces white with fear. She clasped the bag of clay securely in her hand and began praying.

  “Stop looking so worried.” Daniel whispered. “We’ll get out of this mess. Haven’t we the luck of the Irish?”

  She knew he was doing his best to keep her spirits up, but he couldn’t hide the fear in his eyes.

  “Daddy, I want to go back to bed, please, Daddy.” Sean Burke’s plaintive moan tore at Kate’s heart. The poor child hadn’t a clue. Katie clung tighter to Daniel, he made her feel safer.

  “Shush now, Sean. We are going on a little trip on a smaller boat.”

  “But, Daddy, I like this boat. You said it was the biggest in the world.”

  Margaret Burke’s clear voice rebuked the young boy. “Shush, son, do what your daddy says.”

  “Yes, Mammy.”

  Kate exchanged a look with Mrs. Burke. Although Mrs. Burke sounded confident, the expression in her eyes told Kate, the woman was terrified too. No matter how bad it was for Kate, it must be worse for parents with young children. What about Mrs. Rice? Surely, someone would help her with the children? She hesitated, she didn’t even know where the Rice cabin was. Daniel pulled her along, so she had no option but to keep going.

  Chapter 31

  T hey all followed Daniel and they made their way through a maze of passageways all of them looked the same to Kate.

  “How do you know where to go?” Kate asked.

  “Don’t tell anyone but after Cathy told us about her trip, I fancied a look at First Class myself. I got chatting to one of the stewards whose granny was from Galway. You should see it, Kate. All those women in their long dresses and sparkling like candles with their diamonds. And the food? I never seen anything like it. The carpets were so deep they almost came up to m
y knees. In the dining room, they….” He stopped talking as they came to another gate, also locked.

  A steward on the other side of the gate glared at them but didn’t say a word.

  “You shouldn’t be here. Where do you think you’re going?” another white-coated member of crew shouted. Kate looked at his face, she thought he was as terrified as they were.

  “To the boats. For the love of God, man, let the women and children through.” Daniel begged the new officer.

  Kate thought the man was going to turn them away but to her surprise, he opened the gates and motioned them forward.

  “Take that way over there. Follow it the whole way and you will come to a ladder. It’s for the crew. Climb up there and it will take you up to the boat deck. Hurry.”

  Seamus was inclined to linger so Daniel chivvied him along. “Seamus think of your sister. Come on now. Cathy won’t go without you.”

  The Burkes were still following only now Mr. Burke was carrying young Sean. Kate didn’t realize she was crying until she tasted the salty tears. God, please look after us all, she prayed as she followed Daniel trying her best not to slow them down. Why couldn’t women wear trousers rather than woolen skirts?

  Chapter 32

  Delia found herself at the head of her group, walking next to Hart.

  Delia glanced at Hart but couldn’t read any emotion. She voiced her fear. “It must be bad if the captain ordered women and children to the boats.”

  “Board of Trade rules, Mrs. Brennan. If there is a hint of danger, lifebelts will be donned by passengers. The captain is being careful.”

  She half listened to him as she tried her best to see if Conor was following them.

  Hart escorted their group up the stairway to C Deck, across the open well deck, by the Second Class library before finally crossing into First Class. He marched through the C Deck foyer before taking the grand staircase up to the boat deck. A woman in front of Delia, stopped suddenly.

  “Would you look at that?” The woman pointed to the clock at the top of the staircase, flanked by two female figures.”

  “Imagine traveling in this? Wait ‘til I tell Michael and the boys.”

  Delia couldn’t stop herself. “Will you hurry up? When the crisis has passed, you can stand around admiring the view.”

  The woman huffed but at least she moved. Delia caught a glimpse of John Hart’s face as he struggled to hide a smile.

  “Don’t think I would ever get a job as a stewardess do you?”

  “I don’t know, ma’am. I think you would be quite good at giving orders.”

  On deck, there wasn’t any real panic but plenty of First Class men dressed for dinner stood around in groups. She wondered where their women were. Some of the men smoked but many just stared at something in the sea. When Delia followed their gaze, she was stunned to see lifeboats already out on the ocean.

  A loud explosion made her scream. She looked to the sky to see something soaring high into the sky, leaving a trail of white smoke in it’s wake.

  She glanced at Hart.

  “Distress rockets. Captain must have seen a ship nearby and is sending for assistance. Come on. Let’s get you all to the boats.”

  Hart kept going until he came to what he called boat eight – it was about to leave. Calling to the crew, he handed over his charges to be put into the boats and turned to go back. Delia moved to the side determined not to leave the ship without Conor. She heard one lady speak to Hart.

  “Are you not coming with us, Mr. Hart?”

  “No, madam. There are more down below who need bringing up. I will be back shortly. Make sure you get yourself into the boat, now.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Hart. May God go with you.” With that, the woman turned and waited to be put into the boat. Delia saw by his expression he must have been tempted to get into the boat too and save himself, but she guessed he had a duty to those he served. With a last look behind him, he headed back the way he had come. Delia kept looking at his retreating figure until he disappeared from view. What a brave man he was.

  Nobody seemed to notice her standing beside the boat and she watched with relief as the boat was lowered over the side. She wasn’t leaving the ship until Conor was beside her, holding her hand.

  A crew-member spotted her. He moved closer and whispered, “You should have gone in the boat, missus. There isn’t much more time.”

  Delia pretended she didn’t hear the man. Instead, she focused her thoughts on Conor. Should she try to go back downstairs to find him or wait for him here? The crowds milling about on deck made the choice for her. She wasn’t going to risk getting lost trying to find her way back.

  Chapter 33

  K ate gasped as the freezing air hit the back of her throat. She found it hard to climb the ladder up to the boat deck. Daniel helped her with every step. Her frozen fingers kept losing their grip. Several times, he saved her from falling.

  Kate scanned the view, trying not to panic. Her voice quivered, “Daniel, where are the women? There’s only men on this deck.”

  Daniel didn’t answer. He was looking over the rail. She moved closer to him. He wasn’t far away but the ground seemed to be slanting. She stared at her feet. Daniel put out his hand and pulled her.

  “The deck is listing. Let me help you.”

  She looked over his shoulder. “Are there boats?”

  “They’ve gone without us,” someone cried.

  Daniel took control. “There’s more boats. Come on, Kate. You too, Cathy.”

  Kate glanced behind her. “But the Burkes?”

  “They will follow. Kate, you have to get a boat.”

  She followed him down to the deck below. She spotted people ahead of her climbing out the windows. An officer, she heard someone call him Lightholler, stood with one foot in the boat, one on the A deck rail. There was a gap between the window and the boat. Looking down, she saw the sea. Shuddering, she tried to turn back but the press of bodies stopped her. Surely to God they didn’t mean her to climb over to him.

  “Stop. Get out,” the officer shouted at a young boy.

  Kate couldn’t stop staring. He was only a child. Why would the officer not let him on. A man, dressed in a warm coat, protested.

  “Of course he is to go. He is but thirteen and his mother needs him.”

  Officer Lightholler looked from the man to the boy and back again. He spoke gruffly. “He can go, but no more.”

  She didn’t think she would be brave enough to set foot in one of the small boats. They were tiny, and the ocean was so big. Surely, they were safer where they were? She turned to Daniel to tell him her thoughts but the look on his face scared her. Gone was the jovial boy she had become used to. A pale-faced version stood behind her, his gaze transfixed on the view from the window beside them.

  “Come on, ladies, let’s be having you. Get into the boats, now.” The second officer ordered.

  Someone grabbed her arm to pull her forward, but she shook him lose. She turned to Daniel, wanting to feel his strength around her.

  “I can’t go, Daniel. I won’t. I will take my chances. I want to stay here.”

  Daniel pushed her toward the boat. “No, Kate, you need to go.”

  “Come with me then.” She didn’t care if she sounded desperate. She was terrified. He looked at the boat wistfully but then his expression cleared.

  “I can’t. They aren’t letting the men in. I will get another one.” He sounded confident but he didn’t look her in the eye. “You go now. Please.”

  She shivered as they stood there. Seamus picked Cathy up in his arms and threw her into the boat. She was screaming his name, but he didn’t take any notice.

  Seamus turned to Kate and pulled her toward the boat but then the Burkes arrived. Mrs. Burke screamed and kicked at the men commanding the boats. “My husband has to come too. You got to let him go. He’s a husband and father. My childer need their father. Please, for God’s sake, let him go. What sort of men are ye that you would make my
childer orphans?”

  On and on and on Mrs. Burke screamed at the men but nothing would change their minds. Daniel pulled Kate to him and kissed her soundly.

  “You’ve got to get in the boat, my darling girl. Take this with you. He took off his Arran sweater and put it around her.

  “No, Daniel, you’ll freeze.”

  “I am made of hardy stuff but you’re only a bit of a girl. You’re shaking like a leaf. Now go on with you.”

  She kissed him full on the lips and then turned away with tears in her eyes. A steward helped her into the boat and then the order was given to lower away. Mrs. Burke had refused to leave her husband and the girls and Sean wouldn’t be moved. They clung to their parents.

  She watched as Daniel made to throw one of the girls into the boat, but Seamus stopped him. He gestured to the father as if to remind him that the child had both of his parents there to make the decision. The Catholic priests had formed a prayer circle. Instead of joining the boat, the Burkes knelt down and started praying. Daniel and Seamus joined them. Kate and Cathy clung together in the boat as it was lowered away horrified as they saw a number of people had also knelt on the deck, praying.

  “Jesus Mary and Joseph, look after my brother and Daniel and the rest of them. Please God, keep them safe. I can’t tell my mammy and daddy their son died on the ship. Oh, Kate, what will we do?”

  Chapter 34

  K ate couldn’t reply. She pulled Cathy closer to her and together they shivered and prayed with the others around them in the boat. A shout from the officer stopped the boat being lowered. The reason became obvious very quickly. Two women who turned out to be sisters were pushed into the boat, protesting loudly they wanted to stay with their younger brother.

  “Our Mammy will never forgive us if we leave the ship with him on it. You have to let him on or let us back onto the ship.” One of the sisters protested as the other tried to get back out of the boat.